This week was full of “The Bachelor” tweets after Monday night’s finale, including Twitter user Moody Monday‘s take on the show: “Bachelor: Will you accept this rose? Me: Do you have any food?” Now that’s a show we’d sign up for.
Annemarie Brown tweeted about an all-too-common concern: “There should be a special task force for finding that thing in your bra that’s poking you.” We call that a pretty good case for going braless.
For more great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
I’ve done nothing on my to do list for three years.
— Sassy Cupcake (@SassyTexasGal) March 8, 2015
Sometimes marriage is about love & compromise other times it’s about letting the garbage get so full & seeing who will cave first.
— Outsmarted Mommy (@outsmartedmommy) March 11, 2015
My vibrator doesn’t forse me to make dinner when I’m not in the mood.
— Sweet Slips (@Ndeshi_M) March 10, 2015
If you take out the S&M, Fifty shades of Grey and Cinderella are the same film.
— Karen Gillan (@karengillan) March 12, 2015
*takes off bra*
*Dorito chip falls out*
— Mmmkay? (@missekay) March 13, 2015
Bachelor: Will you accept this rose?
Me: Do you have any food?
— moody monday (@mdob11) March 11, 2015
"The Sun Also Rises Somewhere Else, Get Out Of My Apartment"
-Hemingway’s break-up note
— (maura) (@behindyourback) March 11, 2015
I accept your challenge to a foot race, unsuspecting stranger walking two steps faster than me.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) March 12, 2015
All male bread. For bro-toast.
All male noodles. For man-chow mein.
All male eggs. For dude-omelettes.
All male potatoes. For fella-chips
— Bim Adewunmi (@bimadew) March 10, 2015
There should be a special task force for finding that thing in your bra that’s poking you
— Annemarie Brown (@AdmiralAkbrown) March 12, 2015
*attempts to appease meninists by making an all-male reboot of A League of Their own*
— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) March 11, 2015
The only motherly thing about me is that there’s always snacks in my purse. For me.
— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) March 7, 2015
Reading my daughter’s school report about family, and "My Mom’s favorite food is Salad" almost made me spit out my Cadbury Mini Eggs
— Gloria Fallon (@GloriaFallon123) March 10, 2015
I like to think I’ve left my mark on the world and by "the world" I mean "your shower wall" and by "my mark" I mean "my hair"
— Colette McIntyre (@calledcolette) March 13, 2015
‘Cause darling I’m a nightmare dressed like a slightly less frightening nightmare
— Alexis Wilkinson (@OhGodItsAlexis) March 13, 2015
If training for a triathlon doesn’t include drinking margaritas and taking naps then that clearly explains why I’m not in training
— Envy Da Tropic (@envydatropic) March 13, 2015
There’s this woman in my office who is wearing the same outfit as yesterday and she reeks of tequi……ok it’s me.
— Ssssssa- (@semple42) March 13, 2015
If you know how many calories are in your cinnamon bun, you’re eating it wrong.
— bubble girl (@JessObsess) March 13, 2015
I’m actually a really nice person for an asshole.
— Oh Susanna (@Just_Oh_Susanna) March 11, 2015
Source: Huff Post