January 25, 2021

'I'm Sorry' — Heck No!

Some time ago I made a decision which was no more apologies!

Being an introvert and growing up I always apologized for things I did, why I wasn’t a certain way, things I wanted and who I was.

My whole life I felt that I needed to say sorry for the person I was, because I didn’t fit in the norm. I was different, where my siblings and friends were all into science and math, here I was someone who just daydreamed or wrote. I apologized for making wrong or right choices. All the decisions that I made, I felt always needed an apology — either to myself or the people around me. Once I became a wife and mother, I apologized constantly for not being a supermom. I let myself go because I was so busy raising kids and working and again I was made to feel bad about it. I apologized on a daily basis to myself and others around me.

I had gotten to a point where if my friend or sibling would ask me about something, I was fearful of boring them with my story. I would repeatedly say “I am sorry Im boring you” and life went on.

The roller coaster of life took me through twists and turns and I ended up — 40-plus, a single mom with three kids. I had a supportive family and good friends and then it hit me that I have no reason to apologize for who I am. I was created for a reason and somehow I knew it wasn’t to feed other people’s ego while I spiraled downwards. Yes I wasn’t the cookie cutter perfect woman, but did I really want to be?

It took a lot of work but I realized that it was my crazy quirkiness that made me the person I was. I wasn’t “normal” but then who is? I don’t think we were created to be just plain simple normal — we are created to be marvelous, idiotic, crazy, abnormal, incomplete beings. Our journey through life isn’t to make us perfect complete beings, instead it’s to make us take our imperfections and become beautiful spiritual creatures that are full of love.

Our hearts need to be filled with love not apologies or regrets! I feel like getting to that point also took place when I forgave myself and stopped being so hard on me. My real journey towards authentic love started in my 40’s and no more apologies just love and acceptance for me and the people around me!!!
Source: Huff Post

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